Has anyone dealt with this. Seems like the more serious I get with a woman the more her sexual past bothers me. Eventually becoming obsessive and judgemental then leads to resentment then breakup because it just becomes too much. I'm sure it has to do with internal insecurities. How do you guys deal with knowing your significant other was getting fucked and sucking other guys dicks etc. swallowing and doing all that graphic stuff in their past? Does it not bug people or is everyone just way more emotionally mature than myself
the thing is everything ive read usually says leave the past in the past and im lucky to have what i have in the present and shes choosing me now etc but
I find myself feeling like people got what im getting for less, plus they got a younger version so im always asking what more do i get now that i deserve? how am i special? which is a tough way to be approaching it. interestingly i find myself thinking that i do need to be with multiple people to feel like im getting what i deserve. ive never been polyamorous(i did cheat alot when i was in monogamous relationships when im younger but i dont really see cheating as an option now i dont like the lying) and i wouldnt know where to start but recently ive been thinking about it alot. are you polyamorous?
Quote from: nicemonster on Feb 15, 2025, 11:37 AMHas anyone dealt with this. Seems like the more serious I get with a woman the more her sexual past bothers me. Eventually becoming obsessive and judgemental then leads to resentment then breakup because it just becomes too much. I'm sure it has to do with internal insecurities. How do you guys deal with knowing your significant other was getting fucked and sucking other guys dicks etc. swallowing and doing all that graphic stuff in their past? Does it not bug people or is everyone just way more emotionally mature than myself
You need to fuck around more.
Quote from: Dsouza on Feb 16, 2025, 03:51 AMQuote from: nicemonster on Feb 15, 2025, 11:37 AMHas anyone dealt with this. Seems like the more serious I get with a woman the more her sexual past bothers me. Eventually becoming obsessive and judgemental then leads to resentment then breakup because it just becomes too much. I'm sure it has to do with internal insecurities. How do you guys deal with knowing your significant other was getting fucked and sucking other guys dicks etc. swallowing and doing all that graphic stuff in their past? Does it not bug people or is everyone just way more emotionally mature than myself
You need to fuck around more.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO
Quote from: Mr Level1 on Feb 15, 2025, 02:30 PMYounger isn't better, I think. The younger body might be a bit tighter, but the older person is often more experienced.
Experienced means:
- better understanding of what arouses a bed partner
- better understanding of what arouses herself
- better blow jobs
- better hand jobs
- bigger chance to do some unusual things in bed (think: bdsm, anal, public sex, fetish things, tantra)
- better instructions for what she likes
- easier talking about sex and sexual things
I understand the appeal of a younger partner, but I also know it's not the best sex. I consider some miles a big plus normally. It's not damaged. It's broken in, experienced, fine tuned.
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Yes, I am poly. It's not for everyone, but I like it. I needed it. I have often romantic feelings for different people, which are hard to keep for myself.
It was not something which changed overnight. It was a process that lasted about half a year. And I am still looking for the best way to fill in my romantic life. (Maybe that's a quest which never ends.)
I agree more experience is def a good thing when just having sex but once i commit to the woman it changes that in my mind, shes not just sex to me and i start caring about her past etc. i think poly is worth exploring for me. i dont think im able to commit to one person(maybe i havent found the "one") as im always looking
Quote from: Dsouza on Feb 16, 2025, 03:51 AMYou need to fuck around more.
i probably do. I've fucked around a bunch though but the issue happens once i commit and the person isnt a virgin. i noticed once they have more than 2 partners before me it just nags at me until i break up. I don't get how a man can commit to woman fully knowing that she had another mans cum in her mouth. but it's like something in my mind just keeps brining up that this chick was with other men and doing the exact same things to them as shes doing to me. it only happens when I settle with one or commit to one. when it's just sex or there are multiple the thought never crosses my mind. do other guys not think about stuff like this or if i fuck around more that thought will go away?
Quote from: Mr Level1 on Feb 18, 2025, 07:09 AMMost of the time women brush their teeth before they take the next dick in their mouth...
But to be serious: when a woman is clean and willing, why care? You can't fuck anyone yesterday or tomorrow. You live today.
It's my observation that sexual experienced people don't do exactly the same in bed all the time. (Unless you maybe have a very experienced star fish.)
Besides that, there is not a planet full of virgins somewhere, all waiting for you to deflower them. (Would be very boring after some time, because non of them is experienced.)
So you might find a way to deal with your aversion of the fact that a woman that you have sex with had a life before she met you. (Or still has, when you're not exclusive.)
Or you stop fucking women at all.
It isn't really about the sex or quality of sex its about feeling like youre getting less than you deserve or that your partner wronged you by being with other people before you.i dont even really fully understand it to be honest and i know it sounds stupid and illogical i can see that but it doesnt change what occurs. i appreciate you taking the time to try to help but i guess most guys dont go through this or dont even think about these things in this way so you wont really understand it...seems like unless this mentality changes I just wont be able to commit to one person.
lol no sex is pretty funny
Quote from: Mr Level1 on Feb 18, 2025, 06:50 AMBe careful what you wish for.
Most partners come with a sexual past. You too.
It would be weird when you get older and still look for virgins that match your age. What's in the future? 30 year old virgin? 40 year old virgin? 74 year old virgin?
Just think why somebody is still a virgin. Maybe that's more worrying then someone with some experience.
Saved virginity for 'the one'? That's a lot of pressure. She expects you to stay with her the rest of your lives. If you promise to stay with her a lifetime for the sex, but you don't and dump her before you're dead, you stole her virginity and leave her feeling like damaged good.
If the virginity wasn't saved for 'the one', then it's a woman that somehow didn't come to have sex with someone before. Why? Couldn't she find someone? Or was she too picky? Why would she have sex with you now? Are you a random dick? Did she think it was time to finally pop the cherry? Or are you the first person she ever meets in her life that's worthy to have sex with? How believable is that?
The older the virgin, I think the more clear it gets that it's a person that doesn't need/like/wants sex very much. For some reason (not interested in physical contact, not interested in sexual acts, trauma from something that happened, very religious etc) she didn't have sex before.
Is it really a fair assumption that this virgin woman will suddenly like sex with you? That she turns into this sexual creature? I think it's more likely that you have have a dead bedroom within one or two years.
I say it again:
Be careful what you wish for!
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On polyamory:
I believe there are partners that come and stay and partners that come and go. Some stay my whole lifetime. Some for a night. The longterm partners aren't 'the one', though my nesting partner comes close.
Once everyone gets past the 'these genitals can only be touched by one person' (and yourself of course, so technically two persons) you can grant your partners to enjoy sex with others. You are allowed too of course. And (after everyone did wash their genitals) tomorrow you can chose again who you want to be with for the next sex session.
The poly lifestyle has to suit you, but when it does, it's nice that it's more and more accepted that people are not limited to one bed partner for the rest of their lives.
as far as polyamory id need to be the womens first polyamorous relationship or something like that. if theyre experienced in polyamory im sure this issue will arise because it seems to stem from some insecurity within me about me that im now really experiencing(came out of a 10+ yr relationship with someone that had only been with 1 person, no oral or anal etc, she was 19 when we met) and trying to learn and change. so now experiencing the real world and caring for someone with a past is something i need to learn how to do or be haunted forevermore <insertGhostEmoji>
Don't fret over her past. After all, she's never your girl; it's just your turn.
It reminds me of when I started looking into pick up, and there was the quote:
"Every woman is a slut except your mom and sister."
Women like sex just as much or not more than guys. If you sleep next to them, you will be asleep and they will wake you up to have sex. They will try and get you hard as you sleep. Girls are just as horny. I am thankful I didn't have a virgin, she wouldn't have been good at deepthroating.